artoflove | (no subject)

(no subject)

The train station is quiet this early in the morning. After Hernando's arrival, he hasn't been able to sleep, too wound up in thinking about all the things that needs to change in order for him to win his love back, but not knowing how to do those things. He picks up the packet and sneaks a look inside, breathing relief that BRAMFORD is the building he sees on his living slip. He also programs his picture and phone number into the phone, just so that it's done.

Once he has the information, he stops by one of the little cafes to pick up some espresso, a latte, some pastries, and hot breakfast sandwiches, not sure what he wants to eat. Juggling all of this, Lito heads back to his apartment, glad that he'd done his grooming before he'd left so he doesn't look like he's just woken up. Any other day, he might not care, but today, Hernando is here. Hernando is here and Lito knows that he has a lot of work to do to win him back, but he also has a plan. He'll need to talk to the men he had been casually seeing, but doesn't think there will be much of a problem.

Lito had always been very clear on the fact that his heart was taken and anything they did would purely be physical. There are other things, though, harder ones, like how Jake reminds him of Will, which is a topic that he hasn't even come close to broaching. Letting himself back into his apartment, Lito sets the breakfast, drinks, and information on the counter, drifting back to Hernando's side to tuck the blanket around him a little tighter. "Are you awake?" he murmurs quietly, only asking because it's been almost twelve hours since he'd gone to sleep.

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He is, indeed, awake. He'd woken when Lito had left, eyes landing on an unfamiliar room as it had all come back to him. Their home is gone, their life is gone, Lito has other lovers and he is still in Dani's robe. He has spent the time since then thinking and it seems it all comes down to two issues.

"I am awake," Hernando mutters, feeling around for his glasses, unsure where they ended up in all of the tumult of last night. Lito is a blur but he knows his expressions plenty well to tell he is nervous. "It was real, then. Alright Lito, coffee and then we talk, yes?"

His stomach lifts and then drops like a bad ride at the word 'talk', but he swallows back the lump in his throat as he brings over both the strong shot of espresso, but also Hernando's coffee order just the way he likes it best. "Yes, of course," he agrees, sitting in the same distant chair that he'd been in the night before. He's also pressed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt on the table, folded neatly for Hernando to wear, should he choose.

He leans forward to pluck up the glasses from where they've fallen, sitting forward to slide them onto his nose, thumb lingering at Hernando's temple. "I got your things," he says, gesturing to the package. "You can go through them."

Hernando stares up at Lito as he slides the glasses on, the gesture so familiar and so beloved that all he can do is stare for a long moment, eyes full of love and pain as he looks at the man he loves and also one he does not quite know.

"Alright," he murmurs, clearing his throat as he tries to get himself under control. He reaches for his coffee and takes a long sip. It is perfect; Lito has made it perfectly, of course.

"I am upset, Lito and hurt and angry," he starts, speaking slowly and carefully as he clings to his coffee. "But not at you, I do not think. Not exactly. Putting aside that my life was just stolen from me, including my life with you and the version of you I have been with there are two issues I am struggling with most. The first is that this version of you, to my knowledge, did not fix why we broke up in the first place."

He takes a deep breath and another long drink of coffee before moving on to the next. "The second is that this version of you has other lovers, probably had them in here for all I know. And it is not fair for me to be angry about this, but it hurts terribly."

Lito waits until Hernando is done speaking, not wanting to step on his toes. "No, I did not fix it," he says, "but that doesn't mean I don't want to fix it. I've spent months and months trying to figure out what I could do and...and I think that I would just have to have let the pictures come out," he admits. "Living here, without you, it's showed me that I can be out and unhappy. It's being out with you that would have made it all worth it," he says, rubbing his hands on her palms.

"And yes," he agrees, sick, "I did have them here. I was lonely and missed physical contact, so I took other men here. I'm sorry," he apologizes. "But there was a time, many times, that I thought I would never see you again. Still, no matter what, I have not been on a single, actual date. I could never fall in love again, never."

Hernando knows, he knows it is not Lito's fault there were other men. He waited a year and then, apparently, took many many lovers all at once but it is not the same as being unfaithful. He cannot help but have his stomach turn at the thought, however, and grimaces as he pictures all the things that have happened on this very couch.

Regardless, Lito should not be punished for it and the anger will have to be something Hernando works through on his own. "I love you so much," he finally breathes, pinching his nose as a headache looms. "I don't know if it is best to tell you what happened at home or not. But I never stopped loving you. I, too, would have lived without love for the rest of my life had you not come for me. But I do not think I can stay here, I do not want to stay here another night where you have been with other men. You must talk with them before we can move forward."

"I understand," Lito promises, because he's already been working through a plan of how to break it off. With some of them, it's been so long and it's so informal that he knows he can do it with a text, like Krem and Freddie. Others, though, he owes it to their face, if only so that he can try and preserve the friendships. He knows Hernando will like some of them, if they can get past the point where Lito had fucked them.

"I have something else," he says. "It's a gift," he says, extending a hand for Hernando to take. "Take it as a gift of my wooing you, but I want you to have it."

Hernando stares dubiously for a moment, trying to imagine what on earth Lito has already done but he takes his hand, lets himself be pulled up. He pauses for a moment, stripping off the coat and pink robe, feeling strangely vulnerable in front of Lito in only a pair of sleep pants.

"Alright Lito," he says, once again taking his hand.

Lito is trying not to stare, but honestly, it's very hard when Hernando looks as good as he does, not wearing anything but some of his pants, and being so sane and rational and giving him a chance. He feels strangely nervous, but gestures for Hernando to follow up. "You have to close your eyes," he says suddenly, wanting this to be a dramatic surprise and since he only has one chance, he wants to do it right.

The painting has been hung very nicely and if not for the fact that it's a painting that usually hangs in a museum, you might think it's always been there. "Close your eyes and just stand in the doorway."

This feels suspicious. He cannot help but hope it is not some sort of love nest, carefully planned and prepared by Lito when they are not yet ready. For all Lito's enthusiasm, Hernando would not quite put it past him.

He keeps his eyes closed, bumping into the wall a few times despite Lito's gentle leading and holds in a sigh. He is really not sure his heart can handle another surprise.

"Okay, Lito," he says, coming to a stop, one hand against the wall. "Do I open now?"

Lito stares at the painting and even now, the flood of emotions he feels when he looks at it are overwhelming and so powerful and real. It's not his, but if it's not going to be in the museum, he thinks it should at least belong to the person who loves it more than anyone else in the world. "Okay," he says anxiously, stepping into the room so that he can watch Hernando's face as he opens his eyes and looks at it.

"You have to understand that sometimes, people here, they receive things. Things from home. One day, this arrived and I knew I had to protect it because if anything happened to it, when it means so much to me, I would be distraught." He swallows anxiously. "Open your eyes, Hernando."

Hernando blinks his eyes open and for a moment he does not understand what he is seeing. It cannot be, it cannot be hanging in Lito's bedroom in this strange place.

"My God," he breathes, stepping close as he tries to take it in. He steps right up to it, so much closer than he's ever been allowed before and his heart is filled with his childhood memories, of sitting staring for hours as a student, of Lito, of sharing this with him. It takes him to his knees right there, still staring as it feels as if some part of his life has just been returned to him. He runs a hand over his face, fingers curled around his mouth as he tries to wrap his mind around a place so cruel and giving.

"Lito, you have to fix things with these other men. You have to fix them, now," he says, wrenching his gaze away to look up at him, eyes swimming. "We must find our way back to each other."

"I will, Hernando, I promise I will, but it's nine in the morning," he replies to him, bending down to get on his knees across from him to squeeze his shoulder, trying to offer him support even now, as he tries to amend for his sins. "And I love you, but I think I want to let my friends sleep in a little," he says. "At least until eleven," is his joke, because even he doesn't think he can last much longer and intends to be knocking on doors the very minute it becomes politely acceptable to do so.

"It's beautiful like this, isn't it? Like it's ours?"

Hernando actually thinks that nine in the morning is a fine time for his boyfriend to be dumping his lovers but he holds his tongue, trying to keep his emotions in check. It will not help to add to Lito's guilt and Hernando is unsure of how he will feel actually meeting these men, once it happens so if he is going to be irrational, perhaps he should wait until then.

"I know that I should demand we let the public see it, let them learn from it like I did, but I cannot," he admits, wishing though that it was in a room that felt like theirs.

He takes Lito's hand, squeezing lightly as he looks around the room. "Lito, even with this, I cannot stay in this apartment with you. I need to go to my apartment, as much as I truly do not want to. I am too jealous a lover to stay where other men have been."

"No, of course, yes, I know," he rambles, the same words again and again. He hasn't been speaking much sense since Hernando showed up, too caught up with worry and guilt and blissful glee to really do much but babble nonsensically, unable to sound suave or smooth. "If things work out," he says, trying not to put the cart before the horse, "and after I end things with them and I can woo you back, maybe we can move into your apartment," he suggests.

He's not tied to this one at all, which means that he's more than willing to go elsewhere. And if that elsewhere has Hernando there, then he can't see how it could be in any way less than perfection. "You're staying in this building," he shares. "One floor different than this. I think up? Maybe down, I don't know."

"I think I should go there, now," Hernando sighs, forcing himself to rise and take one more look at the Rockefeller before he turns to Lito. "I need time and space to clear my head. And...clothes and shoes. Can you pick me up something when you go out to meet these men?"

He realizes, suddenly, that they still have not kissed, not once since he arrived. It feels terrible but he cannot cross that divide, not yet.

"Do not punish yourself so badly, Lito," he murmurs, staring down at his socked feet. "I know how you are. Just go and try and fix it and we will go from there."

Lito swallows the anxiety that's building in his throat, making him want to scream. Honestly, there's nothing more that he wants to do than make everything completely right at this second, but he's tangled himself a fine mess and he knows it's going to take some time before he can set it to rights. "I wish that you had come here just after me," he says, miserably. "And then, we could have figured out a way to move on together. Not this."

"Lito," he sighs, wanting so badly to say it does not matter, that they can be together now, anything to stop him looking so pained. Anything to stop the pain in his own heart.

"Had I come right after, perhaps you would not have realized that the pictures were not worth Dani's life. Nothing would have been different and if we came together then, it would have been because we were both scared and displaced," he says softly, crossing his arms as he grows cold.

"You could not have been expected to wait forever, not a man like you with so much love and life to share. I will come to accept this."

"I would have waited forever to fall in love because I never could have again," is his sad, depressed sounding reply. He wants to go out now, but he knows that this will take time. He'll do anything to get Hernando back in his arms, though, and he gives a soft, choked sob to realize that he can't do it right now. "You, though, you are just as handsome and full of life and bright. I know if you were here and I weren't, you would be fighting off suitors," he insists, knowing that it wouldn't be any different.

"Soon," he vows, searching through his drawers to find more clothes that he can give to Hernando. "Here," he offers. "Take whatever you want from me and I will start changing to go out. Hopefully, soon, I will be able to come back to you and vow that no one else but you will ever know my touch again."

Hernando pulls a shirt over his head without really looking at it and steps closer to Lito, resting his hand on his lower back. The muscles are tense and Hernando knows him, knows him so well that sometimes it seems inconceivable there was ever a time they were not together.

"Do not treat yourself harshly," he says, pulling him close. If nothing else, they love each other and Hernando can offer the man he loves an embrace. He winds his other arm around Lito's shoulder.

"You are a star, Lito, you would always shine bright. You have just never been able, until now, to share that light with the world. It is no surprise the world liked what they saw."

Lito leans into the touch, melting back in a way that he hasn't in years, and he knows in that moment that everything is going to be all right. He has Hernando here, he's going to be fine, and he doesn't care what he says. He'd never love again, not without this man here. "Stop," is all he says, quietly. "I did move on, if only physically. And I should feel badly, because it means we cannot be together yet."

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